Morning Stretches
When the revolution requires functional bodies
The Great Chair Incident of 2025
It was probably the most important meeting I’d had so far this year.
A brand new funding group for women that Megan Hale recommended me for. (I’ll spill all the details when I can.) They’re actually local, but we’d finally gotten snow, so this was an online chat.
I’d just clicked the join button when I realized my curtains had a little gap in them, so I was going to roll my Virgo ass over and fix it, as one does.
The next thing I know, I’m sitting on the floor, the chair has whacked me over the head, and do you know the greatest injustice of all of this???
She wasn’t even recording the call. ðŸ˜
Listen, I’m disappointed too. They should have played that at my funeral.
Hey, at least I made an impression?
But here's the thing—a decade ago, I would have bounced right back up. Instead, I lay there for a moment, laughing, contemplating my life choices and wondering when exactly the floor got this hard.
I spent the weekend in bed on my heating pad, with some gentle stretch breaks in between.
The Revolution Requires Functional Bodies
Here's what I've learned: You can't dismantle systems of oppression if you can't get out of bed in the morning. You can't build something better if your back hurts too much to think straight. You can't create change if you're too stiff to move.
The revolution requires functional bodies. Not perfect bodies—functional ones.
And that's where morning stretches come in.
Ritual Breakdown: A Gentle Revolution
This isn't about complex yoga poses or Instagram-worthy flexibility. This is about basic human maintenance, the kind that keeps us moving and thinking and creating.
Start small:
Roll your shoulders
Stretch your neck
Reach for the sky
Touch your toes (or at least wave to them)
Gentle twists
Whatever feels good
The key is consistency, not complexity. Five to thirty minutes every morning. As much as feels good.
Think of it as preventative maintenance for your revolution machine (aka your body).
How to Fit This Into Your Life
Start before your brain catches up
Do it right after getting up
Before the "I should do this later" thoughts kick in
While you're waiting for coffee
Make it ridiculously easy
No special clothes required
No equipment needed
No complicated sequences
Just basic movement
Connect it to something you already do
During your morning bathroom routine
While the kettle boils
As your computer boots up
When feeding pets
Personal Notes: The Dignity of Maintenance
There's something revolutionary about taking care of ourselves in a world that often demands we ignore our bodies until they break down. Capitalism wants us functional enough to work but not strong enough to resist. Regular stretching is a small but significant act of rebellion.
Since implementing this ritual (after the Great Chair Incident), I've noticed:
Fewer random aches
Better focus
More energy
Less time spent making "oof" noises
Cats still judging me, but what else is new?
Final Thoughts: Small Acts, Big Changes
Revolution isn't always about grand gestures. Sometimes it's about small, daily acts of care that keep us capable of doing the bigger work. Morning stretches might seem trivial, but they're part of building a sustainable practice of resistance and creation.
Because let's be honest—you can't build a better world if you throw your back out trying to get up from your desk chair.
Take care of your revolution machine. Stretch in the morning. The system might not fall today, but at least you'll be ready when it does.
Joy Ritual #61 from the Joy Rituals Database, reimagined for neurodivergent revolutionaries who occasionally fall out of chairs.